


Absolution

by brittyelaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s12e09 First Blood, Idiots in Love, Interlude, M/M, episode insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 09:57:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9542633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: Because despite everything, Cas is the one damn thing he needs to let himself go peacefully into the night.





	

"It's time." Sam's words fall heavy, rattling around in the void of silence in the car.

Dean's stomach clenches. His heart thunders in his chest. This is it, he resigns. It's really _it_. This car is tiny, and neither he nor Cas are small; there's minimal space between them to begin with. It doesn't take much effort to slip his hand beneath Cas's in the seat; to lace their fingers together; to squeeze Cas's hand gently. He turns his head slowly, looking down at their joined hands. It looks nice, he decides, and he's kicking himself for waiting until now. In this moment, every regret washes over him. He wants more. He wants it all. He wants everything. But now it's too goddamn late.

He feels sick when Cas turns to look at him. He's seen that horrified look before. It kills him every time. He wants nothing more than to see Cas happy; to see Cas safe; to see Cas okay. _I'm sorry_ , he wants to say. _I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for not letting myself love you sooner._ But nothing comes out. Instead, like the coward he knows he is, he turns away. He can't bear letting Cas see the pain; his fear; his heartbreak. It was selfish, he knows, dragging Cas into all of this just to witness his death. But he needed to see him. To see his face. To hear his voice. To wrap his arms around him one last time. To know his brother will be safe under Cas's watch...

Because despite everything, Cas is the one damn thing he needs to let himself go peacefully into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Actual thought process of Dean Winchester during this scene. Of course they were holding hands! This is, of course, exactly what happened.
> 
> Inspired by [this gifset](http://codestielckles.tumblr.com/post/156426391155/dean-prepared-himself-to-die-so-he-looked-at-cas)
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](http://brittywritesstuff.tumblr.com)! I'm fun.


End file.
